this is just kind of funny

If Tiger Woods had crashed in India, by By Siddharth Srivastava

NEW DELHI - In an Indian environment, the Tiger Woods saga perhaps would have been a little different.

When the golfer crashed his vehicle outside his house, the police and ambulance would have been the last to know, given the sorry state of such services in India. Nobody would have bothered to call or inform them as they never arrive when needed. No one wants to be involved in a "police case" that could drag on for years, with innocents usually harassed the most.

Woods would have been carried back home by the otherwise usually helpful and also very nosy neighbors. "He is having an affair/s, so problems with the wife," they would all say - but only inwhispers as such things are never spoken about loudly, in public, to the media, and never in front of the wife.

Riots would soon threaten to break out outside Woods' house, presumably in congested Delhi or Mumbai, where roadside pavements are home to millions of homeless. It would soon emerge that the driver was in a state of intoxication and, to escape his wife, ended up driving his vehicle over beggars and construction workers sleeping on the pavement at night. A couple of people would have died without knowing what hit them.

After some time, the police would arrive anyway as they sensed that the accident involved a rich man, but not a politician or bureaucrat or an affluent businessman with connections. They would wonder how being a golfer could be a profession at all.

Over cups of tea, they would wait for Woods to regain consciousness then ask him to breathe into a dirty, bacteria and infection-laden instrument to test for alcohol levels. Then they would threaten to take away his driving license (never easy to procure, given the inefficiencies of the system) and vehicle unless he took care of the attending officers. Bribe and booze bottles accepted, they would step out and fire their guns in the air to disperse the crowd. The log at the police station would read: "No alcohol traced". The accident would not be mentioned.

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